Planning a trip back

I was really hoping to come back to Odessa when the passport is ready, pick up Raya, go to Kiev, get the visa and fly home, all in less than one week. What a wishful thinking! Apparently, it's not going to happen :( I didn't think we'll have a problem getting a birth certificate - I haven't read one adoption blog yet with the birth certificate problem! But I guess our Ukrainian heritage is doing us a disservice again: the bureaucrats are having a hard time dealing with former Ukrainians, but now "rich" Americans :) Who's rich here? Definitely not us. But in their eyes we are rich - living in our own house (they don’t understand we have 23 years more to pay the mortgage), driving 2 cars (again, no understanding about the car loans), etc. So I'm coming back to start the second part of the process: getting a birth certificate, new ID code, applying for the passport, etc.

This time I've decided to buy a one-way ticket. Since I don't know when I'll be coming back, I don't want the hassle of changing tickets. One-way ticket costs about the same as a half of round-trip ticket plus about $150-200 changing fee, so I feel it makes sense to buy one-way ticket. I used the same online travel engine www.airfarenow.com, it specializes in the tickets to Europe. When I booked our tickets for the first trip to Ukraine, I was very surprised to find out that it was cheaper to buy Aerosvit tickets on this site compare to Aerosvit.com. And not only Aerosvit! After flying by a 2-star airline, I wanted to try something different. Especially because this time I don’t have to go to Kiev first, so I can fly from JFK to Odessa with just one connection. I heard a lot of good things about Austrian Airlines, which is supposedly a 4-star airline, so I booked Austrian Airlines tickets flying from JFK on January 14th, connecting in Vienna and arriving to Odessa on January 15th. And this time I’m flying with one half-empty suitcase :) I would fly with carry-on only, but Raya has some stuff she’d like to take with her, so we’ll share my suitcase!

Just for fun I tried to price the same tickets on Austrian Airlines web page. One-way ticket was almost 4 times more expensive, and a half of round-trip ticket was about 50% more expensive! Buying one-way ticket will also give me more flexibility on the way home, because I’ll have more choices buying tickets for both of us.

Raisa is doing good, though she’s very disappointed she won’t celebrate New Year’s holiday with us. New Year’s is a main holiday in Ukraine with all attributes of Christmas: decorated tree, gifts, Grandfather Frost (Ukrainian version of Santa Claus), etc. School break starts on December 29th and continues until about January 14th. During the break there are many activities for kids that involve Grandfather Frost and his granddaughter “Snegurochka”, so Raya is looking forward to all these activities! Even though we won’t celebrate the holidays together this year, we’ll see each other very soon. Just 3 more weeks…

P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Happy 5th Birthday, Victoria!

Our youngest daughter turns 5 today! It feels like only yesterday I was pregnant and everybody was wondering what we are thinking having a baby when we have a 14-year old son! And we had to explain that no, it wasn’t an accident, and yes, it was planned :) But the most hilarious comment came from one of my Ukrainian friends from Odessa: “How cool that you’ve decided to have a baby at your old age!” Who would guess that it wasn’t our last baby and 5 years later we would become the parents of three? Though Victoria is still keeping her “baby of the family” status :)

A day before:

7 days old:

5 months old

12 months old - with boyfriend Josh:

First dance recital:

Gymnastics: a perfect bridge!

Halloween with Alex:

Our soccer player:

A big 5-year old!

One week home

I didn't realize it's been a week since we came home from Ukraine. Thank you, my blogging friends Tina and MoscowMom, for reminding me to post again!

We really enjoy being home with our kids, especially during holidays. It's so nice to be able to take Victoria to her music, dance and gymnastics classes, plan her upcoming birthday party, chat with Alex when he's available, etc. While we were in Ukraine, Alex was taking Victoria to her dance classes, and according to the studio owner, all teenage assistant teachers were lining up to see him come in :) His holiday break from school starts soon, and we are looking forward to spend more time with him. Even though he lives at home, we don't see him often as he's really busy at school. His Computer Engineering program at RIT (Rochester Institute of Technology) is one of the most rigorous, and he works really hard to earn his good grades!

Today at the music class Victoria just made my day. When her teacher asked her what she wants for Christmas, she said she’s getting a big sister! Isn't it sweet? She also had a visiting day at her dance studio this week, so I took several pictures and sent them to Raisa. She was very surprised to see that the dance class in America looks different :) The girls are not required to wear the same color leotards, the same color tights, the same color ballet shoes, and get this: they are doing the stretching exercises in the circle with the smiling teacher :)

We talk to Raya daily, and she's doing great, though every single time poor kid keeps asking when I'm coming to get her… Our court decree becomes final tomorrow, even though technically it will be Monday, since 10th day falls on the weekend. A new birth certificate can be issued without us, but a new passport is a different story. One of the documents required to apply for the passport is a notarized application signed by both parents. If you read my post about Notaries in Ukraine, you know, I'm not very fond of Ukrainian notaries :) We wanted to do this application while both of us were still in Ukraine, but of course none of the notaries wanted to do it for us until the court decree became final. Our great facilitator has several ideas on how to accomplish this, so hopefully it will work out. If you've been through this kind of situation before (when one parent flies home and the other finishes the paperwork), and you have any ideas, please let me know! I’m going to buy my plane tickets depending on the passport progress. Originally I planned to fly back after the Orthodox Christmas on January 7th, but looks like many offices are still closed until the “Old New Year” on January 13th (this is another Orthodox tradition), so I’ll probably fly the week of January 14th.

P.S. My friend Jim corrected me on my post about Wegmans. Looks like the “Ukrops” grocery store in Virginia has the best customer service in the nation. I’ll have to go to “Ukrops” one day and personally see the difference :) Isn’t it neat that the first 3 letters of “Ukrops” are identical to the first 3 letters of “Ukraine”?

God Bless America!

Until we spent 3 weeks in Ukraine, we didn’t realize how blessed and fortunate we are, and how much we take for granted. Even though we love our homeland, we are truly American now and couldn’t wait to go home to our beloved America! By the way, the locals in Ukraine couldn’t detect that we are foreigners now! We even gained our Odessa’s accent back according to our friends :)

Our JetBlue plane touched down at the Rochester airport late Friday night. It was soooo good to see Alex waiting for us! He drove us home, and – surprise – he didn’t drive in the wrong lane, didn’t honk at other drivers, made a right turn from the right lane, followed a speed limit, had a seat belt on, etc. It was a nice change compare to Ukrainian drivers :) Victoria was asleep by the time we got home, but the look on her face when she saw us next morning, was priceless, as she didn’t know we were coming!

At home we were able to enjoy very simple things like taking a shower and not holding it by hand (all Ukrainian showers are handheld), having a big cup of coffee, etc. Next morning I drove my own car (yeah!!!) to Wegmans. For those of you who don’t know, Wegmans is a supermarket chain with the headquarters in Rochester. Its customer service is the best in the nation, and for us, Rochesterians, going to Wegmans is not just a grocery shopping, it’s an experience. All out-of-town visitors are getting a tour as a part of the sightseeing! Anyway, Victoria and I went to Wegmans where she gave me a tour in case I forgot something :) “Mama, do you remember where the cookie club is? Let me show you” (cookie club gives the kids a free cookie on each visit to the store). “Mama, do you remember where the kids club is? Let me show you” (the kids club is a free service allowing parents to drop kids off for an hour while they are shopping). So, as you can see, we truly enjoyed our first days home.

We already miss Raya, but luckily she stays with our friend Lena, so we can call her at any time! We already talked to her several times, and she’s doing very good! I’m hoping to fly back to get her in the beginning of January after the Orthodox Christmas.

And here are a couple of pictures we took the last couple of days in Odessa:

It's a girl!

RACHEL ALICE USACHEV

Born on 12/7/1997
Became our daughter on 12/6/2007

Yes, our dear friends, we had a successful court session yesterday, which was a miracle in itself considering all the issues we were having. We wouldn’t be able to do it without your thoughts and prayers, so we would like to thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

It was a double special day for Raisa since she turned 10 today – what a great way to celebrate a birthday! We decided to change her name so that it’s easier to spell and pronounce it in English. Of course, she’ll still be Raya or Raisa at home, the same way Alex and Victoria have their Russian nicknames we always call them.

But let me start from the beginning. We started our day yesterday by going to the train station to pick up another paper from SDA. The most reliable way to send a package in Ukraine is by train. It’s very easy: pick a train that goes to the destination you need, give your package to the train attendant along with the fee (the ongoing rate is 10 grivna, though once we were charged 20), and call the person who’s supposed to receive your package with the train number and the time of arrival so that he/she can pick it up. Of course, this system is unofficial, but very dependable.

After the train station we went to the airport to change my ticket. Our original return tickets were for December 7th, and we planned for Oleg to fly home on that date and for me to change my ticket and stay in Odessa to finish the paperwork. When we found out that the court session is on December 6th, we were very relieved that Oleg can go home. I planned to get the final court decree after the 10 days mandatory wait on December 17th, get a new birth certificate and passport in a couple of days, be in Kiev on December 19th, have a medical for Raisa, get a visa at the Embassy and fly home on December 21st. We knew that getting passport can take as long as 10 days if not more, but we were promised our passport will be ready by the 19th. So yesterday morning we paid the penalty fee of $150 and changed my ticket from December 7th to December 21st. Then we went to the passport office to fill out some paperwork. And found out that the source, who promised to get us a passport in a couple of days, can’t fulfill his obligations. That was not a good news. But off we went as it was a time for the court session.

Our court session was at 12:30. I didn’t expect it to start promptly, as I read on many other adoption blogs how everybody is late in Ukraine. However, we were called in at 12:45, just 15 minutes late. But the inspector of the region wasn’t there, so the judge told us to get her and come back at 2:00. We went to get the inspector, and our court session finally started at 2:30. The judge’s room was very small, totally unlike our courtrooms in the States. Both Oleg and I were asked to stand, say our names, dates of birth, citizenship and address. Then inspector of the region and Raya’s legal guardian (our friend Lena) were asked to say their opinions in the matter, and after a couple of minutes we were done! The judge never smiled, even after the session, but I guess it’s normal for Ukraine.

After the court we didn’t have time to celebrate as we needed to go to a couple of more places to find out whether or not we’ll be able to finish the paperwork by the 19th. It was very important because the US Embassy closes for the holidays after December 21st, and if we don’t have the passport by then, we won’t be able to get an American Visa for Raisa until beginning of January. So we went to the birth certificate office and another office only to find out that it is indeed impossible to finish the paperwork before the holidays. And we made the decision to fly home for both of us. By this time it’s 6:00 pm, the rush hour traffic is bumper to bumper, we need to go to the airport again to change my ticket back to the 7th, and make it to the train station by 10:30 pm to take the train to Kiev. It took us a long time to find a taxi, but we made it to the airport, changed my ticket back to the original December 7th for another $150, raced to our apartment, packed in 15 minutes, and made it to the train station in a nick of time. Luckily we bought the whole cabin (4 bunks) for Oleg ahead of time, so I didn’t have to buy another ticket for myself.

The train tickets are a whole different story. The trains are the main way of transportation between different parts of Ukraine. They are always on time, and if the arrival time is 8:48, the train will definitely arrive at 8:48. But the tickets are often sold out. It’s hard to understand because if there is a demand for more tickets, why is it so hard to create additional routes? I guess they still operate in a soviet mode. So even several days before the departure we were told that there are no tickets available. But a little envelope always works a magic, so we had our tickets with no problems :)

The train was even better than the last time. It was a newer model, very clean, and we actually enjoyed our trip!

We arrived to Kiev at 7:30 in the morning today and went to the US Embassy. There are 2 adoption documents that must be signed by both parents in person under oath, so Oleg needed to sign these papers because he won’t be coming back. There was a big line in front of the Embassy, but our American passports worked in our favor and we were allowed to go in immediately. For those of you waiting to go, make sure you give all your bags (including purse) to your facilitator before going in. You can’t take anything with you except for the passports and the paperwork. But you can leave your belongings in a special room for just 10 grivna :)

All workers we saw at the Embassy were Ukrainians, but they were speaking English. We showed our paperwork to a very nice woman, and she called the Consul to administer the oath. The Consul was of course American, and as soon as we saw his genuine American smile, our hearts melted! It was so nice to see a friendly face! We quickly signed the papers and left. We saw another American couple there, Valerie and Richard, who also had a court date yesterday in a different region, and were flying home. But Valerie is coming back after the 10 days wait as in their region it’s possible to get the passport by the 18th.

And finally we boarded the Aerosvit flight and flew back to New York. Even though we were disappointed not to get Raya home in time for the holidays, we were very happy to finally go home! I’ll come back by myself to get Raisa after the holidays, so all of us will be together very soon!

From Prosperity to Despair

Ukraine is a country of social contrasts. There are ultra-rich people who drive Bentleys and buy $1000 neckties. And there are people who are struggling every day to make the ends meet. There is almost no middle class. Our friends are the perfect example – some of them are very wealthy, and the others are not sure whether they’ll have a dinner on the table every night.

There are lots of beggars on the streets. Unfortunately, it became a lucrative business, and very often mothers with infants asking for money, are not real mothers – they are just renting the babies for work. There are disabled people, who in many cases are not disabled, but are made up to look like disabled. And there are old people. These old women singing with mezzo-soprano voices for money, or old men, veterans of Great Patriotic War, playing the accordion, just break our hearts, and we always give them money. It’s very hard for the average Ukrainians to make the ends meet. The groceries prices in Odessa are very similar to ours. The prices for clothes are astronomical, I’m not even talking about the boutiques in downtown – they are always empty, I don’t know how they stay in business. I went to the children’s store, which was not the most expensive. Do you know how much is highchair? $260. Car seat? $350. Snowsuit? How about $330? It’s no wonder there are so many orphans in Ukraine – poverty is everywhere.

Despite the amount of money changing hands everywhere, Ukraine is still very much a cash society. People are getting their paycheck in cash, paying bills in person in cash, and of course using cash in the stores on the daily basis. Everybody seems to be very proficient when calculating money :) For example, if my purchase in the grocery store comes to 14.30 grivna, and I’m about to pay with the 20-grivna bill, the cashier will always ask me to give 30 additional kopiyka coins so that she can give me 6 grivna even as a change. In some cases it’s not as easy! For example, yesterday I bought something for 15.90 grivna. I was asked to give 1.15 grivna more in addition to my 20 grivna bill so that she could give me one bill of 5 grivna and one coin of 25 kopiyka back!

Here are a couple of other observations I made:

Everybody smokes in Ukraine. And they are smoking inside in their own apartments! Every time we are invited for dinner, the hosts are smoking at the dinner table! Though the last time we had dinner with friends, we finally made everybody to go outside to smoke, so at least we were able to inhale a clean air for a change :)

The wedding rings are worn on the right hand. I think it comes from Russian Orthodox Church, though people of all religions wear it on the right hand. The wrong perception there is that only Catholics are wearing their wedding rings on the left hand. When we moved to the States I started wearing my ring on the left hand, as everybody else. Guess what? One of my dear friends finally asked me yesterday: “I apologize, but did you convert to Catholicism?” And I explained that people of all religions wear their wedding rings on the left hand in America, whether they are Jewish, Christian, Catholic or others.

The superstitions are still the same, and even more. I forgot some of the customs I recently wrote about! One of our friends showed me the picture of his 15-year old daughter. Of course I oohed and aahed and said how beautiful his daughter is. He immediately started knocking on the wood and pretending to spit over his left shoulder! I totally forgot that you are not supposed to say good things about the children, even as old as 15 :)

And finally I have a bit of good news. There is a real possibility that we’ll have a court session this week. But I’m afraid to jinx it, so I won’t say anything more :) Stay tuned!

Homesick

We are homesick. We knew it’s not going to be easy, but we didn’t realize it’s going to be that hard. It doesn’t help that we are having issue after issue and there is no end in sight. At this point we don’t even know when our court date is going to be. We miss our kids - it’s extremely hard to be without them for such a long time. We miss our house and our friends. I’m dreaming of being able to go to Wegmans, drive my own car, have my first morning cup of coffee at work, and even speak English :)

On a more positive note, we are spending a lot of time with Raya. She’s staying with us, so we are taking her to school in the morning, and picking her up in the afternoon. We are learning new things about her every day! She’s a good eater – you wouldn’t believe how much this tiny girl can eat! I think I eat about 4 times less :) I guess it’s common for the kids from orphanages – many adoptive parents shared their observations about it. Raisa loves to watch TV – especially soap operas :) She stayed in a very orthodox religious internat (orphanage) where the kids were not allowed to watch TV, so now she’s ready to watch it 24 by 7. For now I think it’s okay, but when we get home, we’ll have to limit her TV time. She also loves to color. We brought several coloring books for her as well as some kindergarten books I usually work with Victoria. We are using simple “color by number” or “connect the dot” projects as a starting point to learn English. Since we are speaking Russian all the time, her English is not improving very fast, but we are not worried about it. As soon as she immerses in English in school, she’ll pick it up very fast.

We are continuing to explore the city. There are 4 ways to get around in Odessa: trolley bus, tramway, bus or private car. Trolley buses and tramways are the least expensive – only 0.5 grivna (10 cents), but they are always so full, it’s almost impossible to get in. We tried one of each just for fun, but decided that this transportation is not for us. So- called “marshrutka” buses are supposed to be a more luxury means of transportation. They replaced regular buses about 15 years ago, you can read about the history of marshrutkas on this Wikipedia page. The ticket costs 1.25 grivna (25 cents), and there are a little bit less people than in trolley buses or tramways, but they are still very full. If we can’t get into marshrutka, we take the 4th option – a taxi. You can call a taxi by phone, or you can simply raise your hand, and one of the old “lada” cars will definitely stop and take you to your destination (of course people driving Lexus or Mercedes usually don’t stop :) It will be cheaper than taxi, and the drivers will earn some gas money We usually say the price we are willing to pay prior to boarding, so that there is no confusion later.

Here are some pictures:



Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers - we really need this court session soon! And thank you SO MUCH to all of you for your comments, messages, calls and prayers. It means A LOT to us to hear from home!