After I wrote about the customs and superstitions last week, my friend Kelly asked me to write about the order of toasts for gatherings. The following is Odessa's version, so it can be totally different in other parts of Ukraine :)
- Rule #1 - don't drink without toasting! You can be considered an alcoholic!
- The first toast is always for the occasion. If it's a birthday party - drink for the person whose birthday is celebrated.
- The second toast at a birthday party is for the parents of the person whose birthday is celebrated (if they are still alive)
- The third toast varies. Most of the time it's for the women present at the party. You can say in Russian "Za prisutstvuyuschih zdes dam"
- Then it's a good idea to toast relatives - you can separately drink for siblings of the person giving the party, his kids, grandparents, etc. - depends on the situation
- After all relatives are taken care of, people usually toast for friendship
- At some point of time, usually at the end of the party, the hosts will toast all guests. Sometimes it means the party is over, but not necessarily.
- If you are asked to give a toast, make sure you toast the health of the hosts.
If you don't want to drink, sometimes the hosts can be offended. There are a couple of good excuses not to drink: being a designated driver, or you can say that you are taking medications that can't be mixed with alcohol.
On the adoption front we have 19 days to go and I'm totally terrified. Hopefully I'll be able to survive these remaining days :)
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Russian Customs and Superstitions
My friend Melissa asked me about Ukrainian customs, and I decided to brush up my memory on some of the customs and superstitions (couldn't remember them all though). After living in the States for 11 years, we no longer believe in many of them, though some still rule on our household :)
Customs
- Only an odd number of flowers can be given as a gift. The even numbers are usually brought to the funerals. I still enjoy getting 3-5-7 roses, but the dozen doesn't shock me anymore.
- Men usually shake hands, but women never do.
- When you are invited to someone else's house, you should bring a gift. Usually it's a dessert, a bottle of wine (or vodka :), flowers, etc.
- Don't drink without a toast! You must propose a toast! The glass can't be put back on the table between the time a toast proposed and the time you drink.
- The drinks are usually served at the time of dinner, so you need to be able to eat and drink at the same time.
- Sit quietly for several seconds before leaving on a long trip. Usually we load the luggage in the car, return to the house, and do it :)
- It's believed that to avoid colds in the winter, you have to keep your body warm at all times. Poor kids are usually dressed in so many layers, they end up sweating and catch a cold anyway. So having compared the way I dressed Alex in Ukraine and Victoria here, I can say that American way is much better :) But keep in mind that dressing your child lightly will be considered neglect in Ukraine, so make sure to follow the rule over there!
Superstitions:
- Do not whistle indoors - you won't have any money! Victoria is not allowed to whistle in our house :)
- If you step on your somebody elses's toes by accident, you have to let the other person step on your shoe, or you will have a conflict.
- If you forgot something after your left the house, you can't go back - it's a bad luck.
- Though some people say it's OK as long as you look in the mirror when you return to the house to retrieve your item.
- Don't show newborn baby to other people until the baby is 1 month old. The only exception is immediate family - parents, siblings, etc. We broke this rule and went to our friends house when Victoria was 7 days old. It was okay!
- Don't buy anything for the baby while pregnant. Baby shower is a foreign concept in
Ukraine. I totally broke this rule while pregnant with Victoria :)
- Don't celebrate a birthday early.
- Don't demonstrate somebody else's wound or surgery on yourself, it's a bad luck.
- When you see somebody on the street with a full water bucket, it's a good luck. Empty buckets - bad luck. I haven't seen anybody in America with a bucket yet, so I guess this rule doesn't count.
- If you are not married - don't sit at the corner of the table, otherwise you won't marry for another 7 years.
- Black cat is a sign of bad luck. If you see a black cat on the street, try to take another route :)
- Knock on wood and spit three times over your left shoulder for good luck. If someone praises you, or your kids, make sure to knock on the wood 3 times, and pretend to spit three times over your left shoulder. This is done so that you are not jinxed by the comment. When you see someone's baby, don't ever say "what a beautiful baby" - parents will be afraid you'll jinx it. Instead say something like "what a bad baby", then proceed to knock and spit, so the parents will see you actually were taken with the baby, but you are afraid that your positive comment will jinx it. I'm serious! Don't laugh!
- Do not shake hands or kiss over the threshold of a door.
- Don't look into the broken mirror.
- Don't ever put your keys on the table.
- If you spilled salt, you'll have a conflict with someone.
- If your nose itches, it means you'll be drinking soon :)
- If you by mistake put your clothes on inside out, it means somebody will beat you up :) People should point this out, wait for you to fix the clothes and then pretend to beat you, so that nobody else can really beat you after that :)
Customs
- Only an odd number of flowers can be given as a gift. The even numbers are usually brought to the funerals. I still enjoy getting 3-5-7 roses, but the dozen doesn't shock me anymore.
- Men usually shake hands, but women never do.
- When you are invited to someone else's house, you should bring a gift. Usually it's a dessert, a bottle of wine (or vodka :), flowers, etc.
- Don't drink without a toast! You must propose a toast! The glass can't be put back on the table between the time a toast proposed and the time you drink.
- The drinks are usually served at the time of dinner, so you need to be able to eat and drink at the same time.
- Sit quietly for several seconds before leaving on a long trip. Usually we load the luggage in the car, return to the house, and do it :)
- It's believed that to avoid colds in the winter, you have to keep your body warm at all times. Poor kids are usually dressed in so many layers, they end up sweating and catch a cold anyway. So having compared the way I dressed Alex in Ukraine and Victoria here, I can say that American way is much better :) But keep in mind that dressing your child lightly will be considered neglect in Ukraine, so make sure to follow the rule over there!
Superstitions:
- Do not whistle indoors - you won't have any money! Victoria is not allowed to whistle in our house :)
- If you step on your somebody elses's toes by accident, you have to let the other person step on your shoe, or you will have a conflict.
- If you forgot something after your left the house, you can't go back - it's a bad luck.
- Though some people say it's OK as long as you look in the mirror when you return to the house to retrieve your item.
- Don't show newborn baby to other people until the baby is 1 month old. The only exception is immediate family - parents, siblings, etc. We broke this rule and went to our friends house when Victoria was 7 days old. It was okay!
- Don't buy anything for the baby while pregnant. Baby shower is a foreign concept in
Ukraine. I totally broke this rule while pregnant with Victoria :)
- Don't celebrate a birthday early.
- Don't demonstrate somebody else's wound or surgery on yourself, it's a bad luck.
- When you see somebody on the street with a full water bucket, it's a good luck. Empty buckets - bad luck. I haven't seen anybody in America with a bucket yet, so I guess this rule doesn't count.
- If you are not married - don't sit at the corner of the table, otherwise you won't marry for another 7 years.
- Black cat is a sign of bad luck. If you see a black cat on the street, try to take another route :)
- Knock on wood and spit three times over your left shoulder for good luck. If someone praises you, or your kids, make sure to knock on the wood 3 times, and pretend to spit three times over your left shoulder. This is done so that you are not jinxed by the comment. When you see someone's baby, don't ever say "what a beautiful baby" - parents will be afraid you'll jinx it. Instead say something like "what a bad baby", then proceed to knock and spit, so the parents will see you actually were taken with the baby, but you are afraid that your positive comment will jinx it. I'm serious! Don't laugh!
- Do not shake hands or kiss over the threshold of a door.
- Don't look into the broken mirror.
- Don't ever put your keys on the table.
- If you spilled salt, you'll have a conflict with someone.
- If your nose itches, it means you'll be drinking soon :)
- If you by mistake put your clothes on inside out, it means somebody will beat you up :) People should point this out, wait for you to fix the clothes and then pretend to beat you, so that nobody else can really beat you after that :)
Thursday, October 18, 2007
One month to go
It's October 18th, and we are leaving in one month on November 18th. And you know what? I'm getting really nervous. What if something goes wrong? What if we won't be able to have the court in a reasonable amount of time? What if somebody appeals the court decision? What if we won't be able to get her passport on time? What if we get mugged? I really hope it's just my imagination, and everything will be all right!
We are almost decided on what we should pack, thanks to everyone for the great advice! We'll be taking 2 medium-sized wheeled suitcases, and 1 medium-sized wheeled duffel bag as a checked luggage. For the carry-on we'll take a laptop bag, a small duffel bag and my purse (I can't live without one!). I'm not very clear on Aerosvit restrictions for the carry-on. Here is what I found on their website:
- Carry-on luggage for economy and business-class passengers that travel on flights lasting up to four hours must be 5kg or less and the maximum dimensions must be 55x40x20cm or smaller.
- Carry-on luggage for business class passengers that travel on flights lasting over four hours may be up to 10kg. However, only one such item is allowed.
It doesn't say anything about the economy class passengers traveling on flights over four hours, I hope it's a typo, and we'll be allowed to take 10kg (about 22lbs) instead of just 5 kg (about 11lbs)
I also called the school district and spoke with the registrar about registering Raya (that's Raisa's nick name) for school. She said the process is very easy, I just need to bring her birth certificate and immunization record, and that's it! She'll be assigned an ESL teacher to help her learn English. We've been through this before with Alex, and he picked up language really fast. He started school in December, had ESL through the rest of the school year, and next September he didn't need ESL anymore! It was not as fast for Oleg and me, it took us much longer to learn English :) But it's easy for the kids - the younger they are, the easier they can learn a new language. Alex was 8 when we came to the States, and Raya will be 10, so I hope she'll start speaking soon.
Friday, October 12, 2007
My little baby is 19 today!
Where did the time go?
Going home from the hospital:
6 months old:
6 years old:
Ballroom dance competition:
Playing Beethoven:
NY State soccer champions:
Prom:
Senior picture:
High School Graduation:
Dancing with Mom:
Going home from the hospital:
6 months old:
6 years old:
Ballroom dance competition:
Playing Beethoven:
NY State soccer champions:
Prom:
Senior picture:
High School Graduation:
Dancing with Mom:
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Sending parcels to Ukraine
We have a lot of friends in Ukraine, and every now and then we try to send them a little something. Several years ago I used USPS a couple of times, and the parcels were lost. Then I found a great Ukrainian-American company called "Meest", which has several services such as sending parcels, money, courier delivery, etc. They are based in Toronto, but have offices in many American cities, Europe, etc. We have a local Ukrainian store, which works with Meest, so it's very easy to send a parcel from there. We've done it many times, and we are very happy with the service. It takes about 6 weeks for the parcel to get to Ukraine, but it's delivered directly into the hands of recipients! The cost is not bad either - 99 cents per pound plus $15 per parcel. Recently I logged on to their website www.meest.net, and found out that they now deliver food packages! You just pick a package from the catalog, pay for it, and it's delivered! A lot of people I know (especially senior citizens) live below the poverty line, so these packages will be great gifts for them.
On the adoption front we are in the middle of buying different travel essentials such as luggage (our suitcases are way too large for Ukraine), money belts, adapters, travel pillows, high-heeled boots (that's essential for me :), etc. My adoption expenses are going up every day :)
On the adoption front we are in the middle of buying different travel essentials such as luggage (our suitcases are way too large for Ukraine), money belts, adapters, travel pillows, high-heeled boots (that's essential for me :), etc. My adoption expenses are going up every day :)
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Packing lists
To pack or not to pack: that is the question. I already mentioned that I want to make sure I can keep up with Ukrainian fashion. Well, if I could've packed my entire wardrobe, maybe I would be able to accomplish that. But I doubt my husband would be very thrilled with this idea. So I guess I won't be as glamorous as I want to be. Maybe just 2 pairs of high-heeled boots/shoes will do?
All kidding aside, the packing list is a big deal in our family :) I know I need to pack light. But how light? Here is a list of things I compiled from reading various blogs and boards:
- Travel pack of toilet paper (some public restrooms in Ukraine don't have TP)
- A small bottle of antibacterial soap (for example, Purell)
- Wipes
- Small umbrella
- Ziploc bags (a lot of people say it's a life saver)
- Grocery bags (the supermarkets in Ukraine don't give out grocery bags)
- Adapters
- Feebreze (in case we'll need to wear the same clothes twice or more. It's acceptable in Ukraine :)
- Small alarm clock (not to oversleep SDA appointment :)
- Small gift bags (they make great gifts with the card and some money)
- Tape measure (easier to buy clothes for kids because the sizes in Ukraine are totally different from American)
- Flashlight (in case there is no electricity)
- Pen and paper (just in case you need to write something down, and you don't have time to go buy it)
- Peanut butter (we don't eat it, so we won't be taking it with us, but many people reported that peanut butter is expensive and hard to find)
- Books! Oleg and I are addicted to books, but we should be able to find plenty of books there as we read Russian. I don't think English books are readily available.
- Movies on DVDs to pass the time. Again, it's not the case for us, we'll be happy with Russian TV, but people report that being able to watch movies in English is a life saver.
The list goes on and on and on. If you can recommend something else that's essential for the travel, please let me know!
All kidding aside, the packing list is a big deal in our family :) I know I need to pack light. But how light? Here is a list of things I compiled from reading various blogs and boards:
- Travel pack of toilet paper (some public restrooms in Ukraine don't have TP)
- A small bottle of antibacterial soap (for example, Purell)
- Wipes
- Small umbrella
- Ziploc bags (a lot of people say it's a life saver)
- Grocery bags (the supermarkets in Ukraine don't give out grocery bags)
- Adapters
- Feebreze (in case we'll need to wear the same clothes twice or more. It's acceptable in Ukraine :)
- Small alarm clock (not to oversleep SDA appointment :)
- Small gift bags (they make great gifts with the card and some money)
- Tape measure (easier to buy clothes for kids because the sizes in Ukraine are totally different from American)
- Flashlight (in case there is no electricity)
- Pen and paper (just in case you need to write something down, and you don't have time to go buy it)
- Peanut butter (we don't eat it, so we won't be taking it with us, but many people reported that peanut butter is expensive and hard to find)
- Books! Oleg and I are addicted to books, but we should be able to find plenty of books there as we read Russian. I don't think English books are readily available.
- Movies on DVDs to pass the time. Again, it's not the case for us, we'll be happy with Russian TV, but people report that being able to watch movies in English is a life saver.
The list goes on and on and on. If you can recommend something else that's essential for the travel, please let me know!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
We've got the tickets!
We finally made a decision about the tickets. Oleg will go back home after the court, and I will most likely stay in Odessa to finish the process (unless the wait for the passports is too long). With that in mind we bought a round-trip tickets from JFK to Kiev, hoping that Oleg will use them to fly back and I'll only need to change my return ticket. We are flying by Aerosvit (Ukrainian Airlines), and the penalty to change a ticket is $150. We also bought one-way tickets from Rochester to JFK by JetBlue. Their prices for one-way ticket are exactly twice cheaper than roundtrip, so it makes sense to buy the return tickets later and not pay the $45 penalty fee (not a big fee, but why pay it?) We could've bought a little bit less expensive tickets (about $50 less each) if buying all flights together. But in this case we would have to fly through Detroit, or some other hub, have 3 flights rather than 2, and we were not comfortable with that. Not only it would be more complicated to change the tickets for 3 legs, but also there is a chance that the flight out of Rochester is cancelled (it happens from time to time). Since we live relatively close to New York (6 hours drive or 1 hour flight), we can always drive to New York to get to our flight to Kiev.
Originally we called Lonnie Rowland from the Rowland Enterprises, who was recommended by many people from the FRUA board. He gave us several very good quotes, but they were in line with what I found online, so I decided to buy the tickets without his help. Lonnie also provides a VIP service in the Kiev Borispol Airport. Since we speak Russian, we don't need this service, but many people used it and were very happy. Just last week Sean and Tracey O'Hara used the VIP service and were very happy they did! Not only their baggage was delayed and they had to fill out the forms in Russian at the airport, but also their SDA appointment was at the same day! They are currently in Odessa adopting their 2 beautiful daughters. Please keep them in your prayers as they are hoping to have a court date later next week.
Originally we called Lonnie Rowland from the Rowland Enterprises, who was recommended by many people from the FRUA board. He gave us several very good quotes, but they were in line with what I found online, so I decided to buy the tickets without his help. Lonnie also provides a VIP service in the Kiev Borispol Airport. Since we speak Russian, we don't need this service, but many people used it and were very happy. Just last week Sean and Tracey O'Hara used the VIP service and were very happy they did! Not only their baggage was delayed and they had to fill out the forms in Russian at the airport, but also their SDA appointment was at the same day! They are currently in Odessa adopting their 2 beautiful daughters. Please keep them in your prayers as they are hoping to have a court date later next week.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
What's next?
So we've got our travel date. It means we can now start making plans, right? But there are so many things to decide. Do we go for 2 trips vs 1 trip? Or maybe one of us goes home and the other stays to finish the process? Do we buy roundtrip tickets and pay penalties when changing return dates, or do we buy adoption fare tickets, which are more expensive, but don't have the penalties? It's hard to decide.
Other than the tickets, there are a lot of other things we have to take care of:
- Sign the Power of Attorney document for my Mom, making her Victoria's temporary guardian.
- Talk to Victoria's teachers (at preschool, gymnastics, dance and music) and let them know we'll be out of the country.
- Buy money belts. Apparently it's not safe to use the ATM machines over there, so it's better to take cash.
- Start making packing lists. Everybody says we should pack lightly, but Ukranians usually dress very nicely, and I don't want to look bad, so it means I need to take a lot of clothes. My old friends won't understand if I won't show up on high heels in designer clothes :)
- Get all the paperwork together, for example, the embassy forms, maybe the copy of our dossier, etc.
- BUY GIFTS!!! We have a lot friends in Odessa, so it's probably impossible to buy gifts for all of them, but we'll try our best. It also doesn't help when they automatically think that all Americans are rich.
- Talk to the school district about Raisa's placement in school.
- Talk to the Human Resources about adding another child to the Medical/Dental policy.
- Buy furniture for Raisa's bedroom.
And the list goes on and on... Oh well, we still have more than 2 months before our travel date, so I guess we have enough time to take care of everything!
Other than the tickets, there are a lot of other things we have to take care of:
- Sign the Power of Attorney document for my Mom, making her Victoria's temporary guardian.
- Talk to Victoria's teachers (at preschool, gymnastics, dance and music) and let them know we'll be out of the country.
- Buy money belts. Apparently it's not safe to use the ATM machines over there, so it's better to take cash.
- Start making packing lists. Everybody says we should pack lightly, but Ukranians usually dress very nicely, and I don't want to look bad, so it means I need to take a lot of clothes. My old friends won't understand if I won't show up on high heels in designer clothes :)
- Get all the paperwork together, for example, the embassy forms, maybe the copy of our dossier, etc.
- BUY GIFTS!!! We have a lot friends in Odessa, so it's probably impossible to buy gifts for all of them, but we'll try our best. It also doesn't help when they automatically think that all Americans are rich.
- Talk to the school district about Raisa's placement in school.
- Talk to the Human Resources about adding another child to the Medical/Dental policy.
- Buy furniture for Raisa's bedroom.
And the list goes on and on... Oh well, we still have more than 2 months before our travel date, so I guess we have enough time to take care of everything!
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